April Horoscopes

posted in: Astrology | 0

May horoscopes

Aries Mar 21 Apr 20

Happy Happy Birthday Rambo!!!  Yes it’s all about you and your awesome Mojo baby.  With pheromones pumping good ‘n hard, absolutely everyone is scrambling to join the queue for some of your sweet attention.  Ahhhh… life’s a box of chocolates, but just watch them pretty ones wrapped in rose-colored paper, coz sometimes they don’t taste as good as they look.

Taurus Apr 21 May 21

Energy levels should be on high this month as you try to shake and groove your wild thang.  But somehow it’s all happening in your head as fantasy and reality fight it out.  So don’t bother trying to actively do anything Toro, because your psyche is pulling all the strings and you just ain’t in control.  Solution?  Go grab the nearest smudge stick and meditate.

Gemini May 22 Jun 21

Poor baby, the big wild world of reality bites real hard sometimes and you’re still sporting some raw teeth marks.  Savage and brutal as it may be the upside is that your just that little sweeter and more beautiful than you’ve ever been before.  Embrace the pain and feel the love.

Cancer Jun 22 Jul 23

Should be a busy busy month for you Crab Pot.  Looking and feeling more gorgeous and fired up than usual, now is the time to put another foot up that ladder of your Brilliant Career.  Seems doors will open with very little effort as long as you curb the desire to step on toes in a rush to break free regardless.

Leo Jul 24 Aug 23

You’re burning up there Kitten.  You need to take a stand and voice your opinion.  Politics and religion will be at the top of your list, but anything to do with The Bigger Picture will have your fur standing on end.  But if it all gets too heated, go chase some butterflies and wait for the spotlight to shine on you in a few weeks.

Virgo Aug 24 Sept 23

No you’re not sick darling, you’re just sick of everyone and everything.  Now is the time to burrow down deep into your cave and lurk there quietly.  But good luck with that, because you can’t seem to get away by your sweet lonesome without someone hollering.  Put your headphones in and balance the books instead.

Libra Sept 24 Oct 23

Smiling always as you dig the knife in deep and hard, who dares to call you passive/aggressive?  OK sweetheart, everyone should back off if they don’t agree with you and then it’s all cool.  Nice time for a divorce if you’ve got nothing better to do, but an even better time to reassess the way you relate.

Scorpio Oct 24 Nov 22

Get thee to your filthy den and clean it up!!!!  Boy do you like to collect some junk and then throwing anything away is like pulling teeth.  Speaking of teeth you might just have to go to the tooth fairy to get those fangs nice and polished because in a few weeks your beautiful smile will be your greatest asset.

Sagittarius Nov 23 Dec 22

A little lovin’ goes a long way Silver.  In fact the whole month will be taken up with good times.  And with your creative juices flowing like a torrent, take this opportunity to breathe life into some awesome projects that have been bubbling away on the back burner.  Don’t deprive the world.

Capricorn Dec 23 Jan 20

Home is where your cool, cool heart is for the next few weeks.  Bunkered down and tied to the apron strings is hardly your preferred option, but the work you do in the seclusion of your cave will prove beneficial to your next move up the ladder of success.  Patience horny one… you’re slowly getting there.

Aquarius Jan 21 Feb 19

Yes indeedy, you are one of a kind…and crazy-smart too, so folks should listen to what you “know” is goin’ down.  But it just would be nice to get a little peace and quiet sometimes, especially with all the goings on in the neighborhood right now…  seems like your strange existence has their curiosity aroused, so best draw the curtains and keep ‘em guessing.

Pisces Feb 20 Mar 20

At this fiscal time of year, seems like you needs to get your fins tightly wrapped around a few notes of your own as the old money tree promises to blossom.  And now that you are finally being left to do a little swimming on your own, get visualizing that horn of plenty that is poised above your sweet head.  Just say “yes”.

Crystal Gaze Star


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